Title: The Truth. An uncomfortable book about relationships.
Author: Neil Strauss
This is an easy read. Very good writer, nice style. The book is about somebody recovering from sex addiction and committing to one person. I could not help and googled the author to see if he is still married to this ‘one person’ and it turns out he isn’t…. So reading this was amusing, but I just don’t believe him. A talented deceiver writing a nice book.
Bits of wisdom:
- What should I do after she likes me back?
- The things that we’re the most resistant to are precisely what we need.
- When you meet someone and feel like it’s love at first sight, run in the other direction. All that’s happened is that your dysfunction has meshed with their dysfunction.
- I’m the kind of ambivalence. When I’m single, I want to be in a relationship. When I’m in a relationship, I miss being single.
- Even the rare friends who’ve remained happy in their marriages admit, when pressed, to being unfaithful at least once.
- Questions are powerful: The right question can expose the flaws of the system
- What’s the difference between guilt and shame? ‘Guilt is about your behaviour. Shame is about who you are.’
- Lying is about controlling someone else’s reality, hoping that what they don’t know won’t hurt you.
- With all the lying, you’ve been in your own world the whole time.
- Being overcontrolled as a child sets you up to lie as an adult.
- If you’d committed to always telling her the truth in the first place, you would have thought twice before cheating.
- I suppose that’s what addicts do: They want something so badly, they’re willing to hurt others to get it.
- In this life, we don’t meet many people who truly love us, who accept us for who we are, who put us before themselves.
- Being relational is being in the moment – in the here and now – with someone else.
- If you’re addicted to sex, you’re probably co-addicted to something else, like drugs. This is because you’re afraid of intimacy and you’re feelings.
- The theory of sex addiction is that when you feel out of control, you sneak around to regain control and regain your sense of self.
- There must be some way in which we can have freedom and our partners can have security – or we can all have both freedom and security.
- If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
- Any time you feel one down -or inferior – to someone or you feel one up – or superior – those are false beliefs generated by your shame core.
- I suddenly realize: No wonder I hate monogamy. It’s just another irrational rule I have to put up with.
More Bits of Wisdom