The Truth

The Truth

Title: The Truth. An uncomfortable book about relationships.

Author: Neil Strauss

Read: 15h

Score: 6/10

This is an easy read. Very good writer, nice style. The book is about somebody recovering from sex addiction and committing to one person. I could not help and googled the author to see if he is still married to this ‘one person’ and it turns out he isn’t…. So reading this was amusing, but I just don’t believe him. A talented deceiver writing a nice book.

Bits of wisdom:

  • What should I do after she likes me back?
  • The things that we’re the most resistant to are precisely what we need.
  • When you meet someone and feel like it’s love at first sight, run in the other direction. All that’s happened is that your dysfunction has meshed with their dysfunction.
  • I’m the kind of ambivalence. When I’m single, I want to be in a relationship. When I’m in a relationship, I miss being single.
  • Even the rare friends who’ve remained happy in their marriages admit, when pressed, to being unfaithful at least once. 
  • Questions are powerful: The right question can expose the flaws of the system
  • What’s the difference between guilt and shame? ‘Guilt is about your behaviour. Shame is about who you are.’
  • Lying is about controlling someone else’s reality, hoping that what they don’t know won’t hurt you.
  • With all the lying, you’ve been in your own world the whole time.
  • Being overcontrolled as a child sets you up to lie as an adult.
  • If you’d committed to always telling her the truth in the first place, you would have thought twice before cheating.
  • I suppose that’s what addicts do: They want something so badly, they’re willing to hurt others to get it.
  • In this life, we don’t meet many people who truly love us, who accept us for who we are, who put us before themselves.
  • Being relational is being in the moment – in the here and now – with someone else.
  • If you’re addicted to sex, you’re probably co-addicted to something else, like drugs. This is because you’re afraid of intimacy and you’re feelings.
  • The theory of sex addiction is that when you feel out of control, you sneak around to regain control and regain your sense of self.
  • There must be some way in which we can have freedom and our partners can have security – or we can all have both freedom and security.
  • If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
  • Any time you feel one down -or inferior – to someone or you feel one up – or superior – those are false beliefs generated by your shame core.
  • I suddenly realize: No wonder I hate monogamy. It’s just another irrational rule I have to put up with.

More Bits of Wisdom